Losing My Grip
by Lady Larken
Summary: Jack counts the days before his next meeting with Ennis. His longing for Ennis results in some reckless behavior that leads to an explosive confrontation. What will be Jack’s fate?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Losing My Grip

Category: Angst and some hurt/comfort thrown in (because I love it!)

Pairing: Jack/Ennis

Disclaimer: I don't own these cowboys!

Summary: Jack counts the days before his next meeting with Ennis. His longing for Ennis results in some reckless behavior that leads to an explosive confrontation. What will be Jack's fate?

A/N: This is taking place within the actual story, but I needed to change some things in order to make this idea work. I guess we'll have to say it's AU. So please excuse anything I may alter. Feedback is definitely welcome! I hope you like the first chapter!

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Jack Twist ran a shaky hand through his hair as he painfully lowered himself onto the bar stool, wincing at his protesting joints. 

"What'll it be?" The bartender hollered over the noisy bar, country music blaring in the background.

"A beer," Jack mumbled as he folded his arms carefully over the counter-top. The bartender hurried away, and Jack slowly surveyed the room.

"There ya go, cowboy." Jack nodded, and took a long swig. On a second glance at Jack, the bartender let out laugh. "Shit, what'n the hell happened t you, boy?"

"Rodeo," Jack grumbled, already half-way through his first drink.

"Looks like that bull got ya good, huh?" The bartender stated, more than asked.

"I reckon so," Jack said through a wry smile knowing what he must look like. The bartender left to help another customer, leaving him to his thoughts, which mostly dealt with Ennis Del Mar. In just a few days, Jack would be driving 14 hours in his pick-up to Wyoming for another "fishing trip."

The months had gone by painfully slow for Jack, which he sarcastically noted had led him to his current state. Jack was sure that his longing to be with Ennis would drive him insane or get him killed one of these days. Finishing off his beer, he quickly ordered another one as he shifted uncomfortably on the stool.

"Shit, that looks pretty nasty," the bartender winced as he slid another beer in front of him.

"Hurts like hell, it does," Jack said hoarsely, taking another swig.

"I reckon so. Yeh best find a new line a work, boy," the bartender said shaking his head before turning towards another customer.

However, Jack had found a new line of work and had stopped being a rodeo the moment he married Lureen. Working for his father-in-law was no picnic, but it sure as hell paid the bills and a lot of other things being a rodeo didn't. No, the only reason Jack had recently taken up his previous past time was because of one, Ennis Del Mar.

Only seeing Ennis three or four times a year weighed heavily on Jack's heart. He needed some way to pass the time quickly, and thought that between his current job and taking up his previous line of work he would be distracted. Unfortunately, it was only after his face had connected with the dirt that afternoon that Jack realized his plan was flawed. Ennis was always in his head, which made riding a bull near impossible, Jack thought bitterly.

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TBC 

A/N: Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Losing My Grip

Chapter 2

Summary: Jack counts the days before his next meeting with Ennis. His longing for Ennis results in some reckless behavior that leads to an explosive confrontation. What will be Jack's fate?

Disclaimer: All rights reserved.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I apologize for the short chapters, but they will get longer. It's taking time to get Jack to the places I want him to go. There will be Ennis eventually!

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"Lureen?" Jack hollered from the bedroom they shared, as he scrambled to pack for his meeting with Ennis. "You seen my fishin' gear?" When he didn't receive an immediate response, he huffed in annoyance and limped towards the living room, wincing at every step he took and cussing himself for riding that damn bull. 

Upon entering the living room, Jack dully noted that his wife was currently lounging on the couch with her latest hair-do reading a magazine, and doing nothing important. Leaning heavily on the wall, he wondered if seeing him in pain gave her enjoyment.

"You seen my fishin' gear?" Jack repeated more softly. Lureen looked up from her magazine, seemingly annoyed at the interruption.

"I reckon it's still in the hallway closet." Lureen's tiny voice was cold, as her dark eyes drifted back to the magazine.

"Right, I'm leavin' in an hour. Don' forget t call Bobby's teacher."

"Sure," Lureen said, not looking up from the magazine.

"I'm serious, don' forget," Jack said as he slowly pulled away from the wall and limped towards the closet.

"Why don' your friend come down here for a change? Yeh can barely walk." Lureen commented.

"We've been through this already, Lureen," Jack said as he rummaged through the closet.

"All I'm say' in is it ain't fair with you always goin' outta your way like that." As though that settled it, Lureen flipped to the next page of her magazine and said no more.

While Jack could only recall a handful of times when he had actually listened to Lureen, her words rang true to him. Jack was always the one that wanted to spend time with Ennis, and not the other way around. Hell, he was ready to give up everything for Ennis after his divorce from Alma, but the man had refused him. There time together was limited to three or four times a year because of Ennis, not Jack.

After packing his fishing gear, which would never be used, Jack grabbed his bags and limped to the door. He paused before leaving and turned to his estranged wife. "Be see' in you in a few days."

"Right," Lureen said coldly.

Jack had always felt a sense of freedom leaving his home in Texas, away from Lureen and his father-in-law, and heading towards Wyoming and Ennis. Tossing his bags in the back of his pick-up, he realized that this trip felt somewhat different. He was usually excited and anxious to see Ennis, but now he just felt beat-up and trapped. Maybe it was because he was finally losing hope that Ennis would one day see things his way. It was a harsh realization, and no matter how loud Jack played the radio as he sped down the highway, his thoughts tormented him.

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TBC 

A/N: Please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own these cowboys!

Summary: Jack counts the days before his next meeting with Ennis. His longing for Ennis results in some reckless behavior that leads to an explosive confrontation. What will be Jack's fate?

A/N: Thanks to _Slash-a-holic_, _crazyfrog_, _Malyss_, _Spidersting_, _QueenCria_, _Tav_, _Horserider_,_ Jakesdream_, _Frek_, _possumgurl_, and _Shelley_ for the reviews!

_QueenCria_: Yep, my penname was inspired by playing Lady Larken in a production of Once Upon a Mattress!

_Spidersting_: I agree that Ennis is definitely scared to be with Jack. Unfortunately, Jack doesn't understand this yet!

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**Chapter 3**

Half-way to Wyoming, Jack began to wonder if giving into Ennis' arrangements had been the right thing. Living a double life for nearly ten years was starting to weigh heavily upon him. If Jack was honest with himself, most of the time he missed Ennis so bad that it hurt. It was so damn hard that he began taking trips to Mexico to alleviate his frustrations, without Ennis' knowledge.

"Hmm," Jack made a small noise of discomfort as he shifted in the drivers' seat uneasily. His whole body still ached from being thrown only days earlier. Not for the first time since his injury, Jack contemplated his unhealthy fixation with Ennis. No matter what he did or where he went, the man never left his thoughts. His trips to Mexico never fully sated his desire either, only Ennis did that.

This month, Ennis and Jack were meeting at the Bridger-Teton Range for a trip that would only last three days. Jack hated that their meetings were always short. The ache in Jack's chest only grew with each visit. More than once he wondered what it would take to rid himself of the pain. However, if there was one thing Jack Twist knew, it was that he would have to find a way to fix it, because he knew with a renewed sort of desperation that he couldn't stand it.

It was with these last thoughts that Jack found himself pulling onto a dirt road beside a familiar sight. A genuine smile fought its way to his face and his heart beat quickened at the sight of Ennis Del Mar unloading the horses from the back of his beat-up truck. He quickly jumped out of his pick up and hurried towards the other man with a slight limp, forgetting his pain.

As he reached his destination, Ennis turned to him with bright eyes and a crooked smile. "You're late, friend."

As if neither of them could hold back any longer they threw their arms around one another in a tight embrace, electricity coursing through their veins at the contact. In that moment all of Jack's frustrations and ill-feelings melted away and there was just Ennis.

A few minutes passed before Jack's body caught up with him and he tensed in pain at Ennis' vice-like grip. Ennis immediately loosened his arms around Jack and held him gently at arms length. Deep brown eyes connected with blue, and Jack could not discern the look on Ennis' normally emotionless face. A rough hand cupped his face, and he felt a thumb brush softly over his bruised cheek.

Ennis' eyes suddenly hardened, his mouth curving into an unpleasant grimace, as he grounded out, "Who did this?"

Jack was not sure whether he should've been more surprised at the question or at the alarming amount of rage on Ennis' usually unreadable face, and openly gaped at him. "I…uh…went back t the rodeo."

"Is that so?" It didn't really sound like a question, but Jack wasn't about to find out what would happen if he didn't have a response. Ennis still looked murderous.

"Got busted up good," Jack mumbled, fidgeting under a cold stare.

"I thought you was gonna quit." The tone was accusatory and something else Jack hadn't heard before, and couldn't name.

"I was…uh…I mean I did…until recently that is," Jack babbled nervously. "I quit for good this time…hurts too damn much."

"I reckon it does," Ennis commented unimpressed, but seemingly resigned to let it go. "Jack fuckin' Twist," he said roughly, before pulling Jack gently into his arms again and kissing him soundly.

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TBC 

A/N: Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm sorry about the delay! Thank you to the reviewers of the previous chapters. I hope you enjoy chapter 4!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or making money off of this. I just love writing about them!

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**Chapter 4**

Jack sighed into Ennis' mouth, as he let all of his frustrations melt away. Ennis held Jack tightly against his chest and ran one hand lightly over the small of his back.

"Well, I reckon we'd better get a move on cowboy," Ennis said as he pulled away from the kiss.

"Right," Jack agreed. He ran a shaky hand through his hair as he followed Ennis to his pick-up to unload the horses. "How're the girls?"

"They're doin' jus' fine. Alma Jr. says she don't want to live with her mamma no more." Ennis mounted the horse and took the time to study his partner.

"That so?" Jack said as he slowly pulled himself up and onto the horse. Ennis noticed Jack's jaw tightening at every movement.

"You better watch those bulls, friend," Ennis stated darkly.

"Right," Jacksaid in annoyance.

"What's got your balls in a twist?" Jack was usually a calm person, he reminded himself. It took a lot to make him angry, but somehow this was enough. Jack gripped the reins of the horse and focused all of his strength on making it to the campsite, a little ways from Bridger-Teton Range.

Ennis eyed Jack as they rode on in silence. Normally, Jack Twist couldn't keep his mouth shut for more than five minutes.

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Setting up camp didn't improve Jack's mood and he silently went about his way, under Ennis' hard stare.

"Damn," Jack swore as he sat by the fire trying to untangle his fishing line. Ennis sat across from him stretched out under the stars smoking his cigarette.

"I don't know why you're botherin."

"Well I aint gonna catch any fish with my line all tangled up like this." Jack fumbled with the line for a few more minutes before roughly throwing it to the ground.

"I don't know why you're so worked up. We aint never gone fishin' before," Ennis noted.

"Well, maybe I'd like to do a little bit of fishin' in the mornin'. That okay, _friend_?"

"That's fine with me, buddy." Ennis said with a frown.

"Good, I'm glad we agree on somethin'!" Jack jumped to his feet quickly, intent on returning to the tent. He let out a low hiss of pain and his arms folded around his rib cage.

Ennis was on his feet instantly. "Jack?"

"I'm fine, Ennis." Jack said as he nursed his rib cage, mentally kicking himself for letting his temper get the better of him.

"Fuck Twist, what in the hell is goin' on with you?" Ennis angerly threw his hat to the floor.

"Nothin, Del Mar," Jack spat. He turned slowly towards the tent, mindful of his injury.

"Where you goin' Jack?" Ennis said more softly, as if unsure how to handle Jack's behavior.

"To bed," he grunted.

Ennis sighed as he watched Jack disappear into the tent. He resumed his spot by the fire, not ready to turn in for the night.

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TBC

Please Review!


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